Living After Abuse
| Val's Story |
Page 3
I remember setting off fire alarms and I started even 'stealing' some things from people and
even in stores. I didn't even understand why I did it. It was like this driving force inside me.
Somehow it made me feel better after I had done it. It might just be a candy bar, but it
somehow made me feel 'in control' or something. I felt so out of control of my life and my own
mind. I felt attacked and stalked by my own mind and dreams. And the secret was so deeply
buried at that point and the poison had to escape someplace.
When I started to remember in 7th grade, I went through a real identity crisis. I though t about
telling, but I knew that my mother could not support us and she couldn't go to work. I knew she
loved my dad, and truthfully, so did I. I had a deep desire to be loyal to him and even protect
HIM. After all, after I told him to stop it, he did; and he had never touched me since. He
seemed to have changed. I still did not even consider that he might have tried to do such
things to other girls. I continued to 'hide the secret' and keep the conspiracy of silence. I
suffered a lot of depression and the worst evidence of the abuse was my horrible nightmares and
visions. Any time I thought of telling ANYONE, I felt like I had to run to the bathroom and vomit.
The idea of sex became nasty and distasteful to me.
At 12 I met a boy 4 years older than myself and we became involved. I see now that the abuse
I suffered with my stepfather paved the way for the same 'denial' to kick in with this boy. He
did a lot of sexually abusive things to me and would just pretend they never happened.
He would expose himself to me coming out of the shower at his parent’s house when he knew
I wouldn't say anything because his parents were right in the next room. While many people
were around, and a group of us were swimming, he would suddenly slip himself out of his
swimming trunks and try to slide himself between my legs and count on the fact that because
lots of people were around I wouldn't say anything. My parents even caught him 'peeping' in
my room and the bathroom at our house when he was supposed to be home. He went to
church and took me with him, and then he would try to force me to do things when we were
alone. My mother thought he was safe. He wasn't.
Finally, one day on a dirt road on the way home from a youth event, he decided, I guess, he
would just rape me. He stopped the car on a secluded dirt road and tried to force himself on
me. Somehow, I managed to kick him and he went flying out the drivers’ side door of his car
that he had open to accommodate his long legs. I got out of my side of the car and ran all the
way home in the dark. The most unbelievable thing about this, is that I continued to go with this
boy! I stayed in the conspiracy of silence and the denial right along with him and thought I
even loved him and wanted to marry him someday! I thank the Lord that he knew the TRUTH
and did not allow that relationship to end up in marriage.
Somewhere in this nightmare of silence and denial, I grabbed a hold of God. He gets all the
credit for breaking in my life the cycle of being a victim I was fated to continue if I didn't
receive some healing and education about abuse. I believe it was God who helped me and He
began to connect me to books, programs, and people who would open my eyes to what was
happening and I began to reach out to other girls and teenagers and adults who had been
abused. I have learned to love the Lord above all else, and He has brought me incredible inner
healing from the abuse of my past. And he is teaching me how to bring the same healing to
others. It was about 10 years into my marriage before I received enough healing with the Lord
through books and people he sent to me that the nightmares and visions stopped. It was a
huge relief.
To this day, I have not confronted my stepfather. My mother died 10 years ago, and since
her death my step dad has been drinking a lot. I know it isn't just because of my mother's
death, but probably because of what he knew he did. I now also believe he probably abused
others, but I am not sure who. I did finally tell my sister and her husband, because I feared he
might do something to their daughter. It was difficult for her to hear and she swears he
never touched her, which I am thankful for. I don't know why he didn't, but she has never had
any of the symptoms of a sexually abused child.
even in stores. I didn't even understand why I did it. It was like this driving force inside me.
Somehow it made me feel better after I had done it. It might just be a candy bar, but it
somehow made me feel 'in control' or something. I felt so out of control of my life and my own
mind. I felt attacked and stalked by my own mind and dreams. And the secret was so deeply
buried at that point and the poison had to escape someplace.
When I started to remember in 7th grade, I went through a real identity crisis. I though t about
telling, but I knew that my mother could not support us and she couldn't go to work. I knew she
loved my dad, and truthfully, so did I. I had a deep desire to be loyal to him and even protect
HIM. After all, after I told him to stop it, he did; and he had never touched me since. He
seemed to have changed. I still did not even consider that he might have tried to do such
things to other girls. I continued to 'hide the secret' and keep the conspiracy of silence. I
suffered a lot of depression and the worst evidence of the abuse was my horrible nightmares and
visions. Any time I thought of telling ANYONE, I felt like I had to run to the bathroom and vomit.
The idea of sex became nasty and distasteful to me.
At 12 I met a boy 4 years older than myself and we became involved. I see now that the abuse
I suffered with my stepfather paved the way for the same 'denial' to kick in with this boy. He
did a lot of sexually abusive things to me and would just pretend they never happened.
He would expose himself to me coming out of the shower at his parent’s house when he knew
I wouldn't say anything because his parents were right in the next room. While many people
were around, and a group of us were swimming, he would suddenly slip himself out of his
swimming trunks and try to slide himself between my legs and count on the fact that because
lots of people were around I wouldn't say anything. My parents even caught him 'peeping' in
my room and the bathroom at our house when he was supposed to be home. He went to
church and took me with him, and then he would try to force me to do things when we were
alone. My mother thought he was safe. He wasn't.
Finally, one day on a dirt road on the way home from a youth event, he decided, I guess, he
would just rape me. He stopped the car on a secluded dirt road and tried to force himself on
me. Somehow, I managed to kick him and he went flying out the drivers’ side door of his car
that he had open to accommodate his long legs. I got out of my side of the car and ran all the
way home in the dark. The most unbelievable thing about this, is that I continued to go with this
boy! I stayed in the conspiracy of silence and the denial right along with him and thought I
even loved him and wanted to marry him someday! I thank the Lord that he knew the TRUTH
and did not allow that relationship to end up in marriage.
Somewhere in this nightmare of silence and denial, I grabbed a hold of God. He gets all the
credit for breaking in my life the cycle of being a victim I was fated to continue if I didn't
receive some healing and education about abuse. I believe it was God who helped me and He
began to connect me to books, programs, and people who would open my eyes to what was
happening and I began to reach out to other girls and teenagers and adults who had been
abused. I have learned to love the Lord above all else, and He has brought me incredible inner
healing from the abuse of my past. And he is teaching me how to bring the same healing to
others. It was about 10 years into my marriage before I received enough healing with the Lord
through books and people he sent to me that the nightmares and visions stopped. It was a
huge relief.
To this day, I have not confronted my stepfather. My mother died 10 years ago, and since
her death my step dad has been drinking a lot. I know it isn't just because of my mother's
death, but probably because of what he knew he did. I now also believe he probably abused
others, but I am not sure who. I did finally tell my sister and her husband, because I feared he
might do something to their daughter. It was difficult for her to hear and she swears he
never touched her, which I am thankful for. I don't know why he didn't, but she has never had
any of the symptoms of a sexually abused child.
| President/Founder House of Hope S.W. Michigan |
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Award Winning Book, Child Advocate, Child Rape, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Child
Maltreatment, Child Cruelty, Sexual Abuse, Crimes Against Children, Injustice, Child Advocate,
Child Psychology, Child Development, Child Molester, Child Molesters, Sexual Deviant, Sexual
Law, sexual law, Radio Shows, Featured Guest, Motivational Speaker, Keynote Speaker, Cody
Posey, New Mexico, Las Cruces, Roswell, Traverse City, Radio Guest, Child Abuse Prevention,
child psychology, child therapy, Social Worker, Healing, hopeful, The Purpose Driven Life,
Failure to Protect, Child Endangerment, Hope, Healing, Compassionate, passionate, Fighter,
Fighter for kids
Maltreatment, Child Cruelty, Sexual Abuse, Crimes Against Children, Injustice, Child Advocate,
Child Psychology, Child Development, Child Molester, Child Molesters, Sexual Deviant, Sexual
Law, sexual law, Radio Shows, Featured Guest, Motivational Speaker, Keynote Speaker, Cody
Posey, New Mexico, Las Cruces, Roswell, Traverse City, Radio Guest, Child Abuse Prevention,
child psychology, child therapy, Social Worker, Healing, hopeful, The Purpose Driven Life,
Failure to Protect, Child Endangerment, Hope, Healing, Compassionate, passionate, Fighter,
Fighter for kids
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