Living After Abuse
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To Dad and Mom,
I remember the mulberry tree. I remember the fig tree. I remember the pool. I remember
the Park. I remember riding my big wheel. I remember Denise and the two sisters, Mary
and Maxine. I remember running so fast I thought I could fly.
But I couldn't run fast enough to escape what was happening to me. I couldn't get away
from when you would leave Amy and I with the Andrews. I couldn't protect her. I couldn't
protect me. He would separate us - send one of us with his wife, while he would molest the
other; in the basement, in his garage workshop. I remember more of those places than I
remember my own home.
I don't know exactly what he did to Amy. She said once that he tried to make her touch him.
But I remember what he did to me. I remember his wet sloppy kisses as he tried to force
his tongue into my mouth. I remember the way his hands shook as he shoved them down
my pants or rubbed my breasts. I remember the way my whole body still shook for a long
time after. I remember feeling dirty. I feel dirty still. And it didn't stop when we moved
from there. He did it again when we went to the shore; he did it again when he came to the
farm for my graduation.
I hate. I hate me. I hate him. I have more rage than you can conceive of. I wish I could
take a dagger and thrust it into him, turn it for good measure, and pull it out. Maybe again
and again. He deserves to burn in hell for eternity.
Sometimes I try to forgive. Sometimes I think I am able, with God's help. But always it
returns to this anger and hatred.
He stole my childhood. No, the past cannot be changed. But nor can I seem to get rid of
this rage.I cannot rationally blame you because I know you did not know, yet th e child within
me SCREAMS you should have known.
Holly
I remember the mulberry tree. I remember the fig tree. I remember the pool. I remember
the Park. I remember riding my big wheel. I remember Denise and the two sisters, Mary
and Maxine. I remember running so fast I thought I could fly.
But I couldn't run fast enough to escape what was happening to me. I couldn't get away
from when you would leave Amy and I with the Andrews. I couldn't protect her. I couldn't
protect me. He would separate us - send one of us with his wife, while he would molest the
other; in the basement, in his garage workshop. I remember more of those places than I
remember my own home.
I don't know exactly what he did to Amy. She said once that he tried to make her touch him.
But I remember what he did to me. I remember his wet sloppy kisses as he tried to force
his tongue into my mouth. I remember the way his hands shook as he shoved them down
my pants or rubbed my breasts. I remember the way my whole body still shook for a long
time after. I remember feeling dirty. I feel dirty still. And it didn't stop when we moved
from there. He did it again when we went to the shore; he did it again when he came to the
farm for my graduation.
I hate. I hate me. I hate him. I have more rage than you can conceive of. I wish I could
take a dagger and thrust it into him, turn it for good measure, and pull it out. Maybe again
and again. He deserves to burn in hell for eternity.
Sometimes I try to forgive. Sometimes I think I am able, with God's help. But always it
returns to this anger and hatred.
He stole my childhood. No, the past cannot be changed. But nor can I seem to get rid of
this rage.I cannot rationally blame you because I know you did not know, yet th e child within
me SCREAMS you should have known.
Holly
Holly's Letter
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Award Winning Book, Child Advocate, Child Rape, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Child
Maltreatment, Child Cruelty, Sexual Abuse, Crimes Against Children, Injustice, Child Advocate,
Child Psychology, Child Development, Child Molester, Child Molesters, Sexual Deviant, Sexual
Law, sexual law, Radio Shows, Featured Guest, Motivational Speaker, Keynote Speaker, Cody
Posey, New Mexico, Las Cruces, Roswell, Traverse City, Radio Guest, Child Abuse Prevention,
child psychology, child therapy, Social Worker, Healing, hopeful, The Purpose Driven Life,
Failure to Protect, Child Endangerment, Hope, Healing, Compassionate, passionate, Fighter,
Fighter for kids
Maltreatment, Child Cruelty, Sexual Abuse, Crimes Against Children, Injustice, Child Advocate,
Child Psychology, Child Development, Child Molester, Child Molesters, Sexual Deviant, Sexual
Law, sexual law, Radio Shows, Featured Guest, Motivational Speaker, Keynote Speaker, Cody
Posey, New Mexico, Las Cruces, Roswell, Traverse City, Radio Guest, Child Abuse Prevention,
child psychology, child therapy, Social Worker, Healing, hopeful, The Purpose Driven Life,
Failure to Protect, Child Endangerment, Hope, Healing, Compassionate, passionate, Fighter,
Fighter for kids
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